Well today was visitation again. Today my dad and Margo came to see me. I was not as nervous today because I knew what to expect from the previous day. I was no longer worried about looking like an inmate and I now knew what visitation entailed. Margo and I had talked alot about whether we would tell the kids what happened to daddy. I did not tell them anything until after sentencing. We then discussed whether we were going to bring them to any visitation because we were worried how it would affect them. After seeing Margo Saturday I was feeling good about bringing the kids to come see me. I couldnt wait to schedule a date. When I came to visitation today I came out confidentally and walked down to where Margo and my father were sitting. WHen I got there a “Surprise” jumped out from behind Margo and it was Stella. I was not prepared for that at all. Ive never in my life felt the way I felt at that moment. I was scared again, nervous and anxious. I did not know what to say or how to act. I was not ready at all. She was shaking and crying, in a good happy way. I sat in my chair with my hand on the plexiglas crying with her as well. We stared at each other for 5 minutes both trying to catch our breaths. That was very difficult but it was difficult in a good way. They stayed with me for 3 hours and we talked about all kinds of Stella stuff. It was a very good time and so worth bringing her. The kids are very understanding and just happy to their dad. I cant wait to see the rest of the kids! I miss them so much. I was tough when they left.
This afternoon was a little difficult. I started to feel angry again, I hadnt felt that in a long time. The whole case goes through my head every day. Its still difficult for me to understand how the bank is the victim when they testified that they were not a victim, when this same bank still does business with us, this same bank that sponsored my little daughters horse event this week. I then sit back and realize its not even worth it at this point. I am going to do everything I can to get back to my family and start all over. Thats most important and being angry wont help me get there.
I love you Stella, Margo!