12/13/21 “Contact visit and updates”

I had my first contact visit this past Sunday, it was really good. Now that its contact they only let you have either a morning or afternoon to stay with them, which is about 3 hours. Before contact visits they were allowed to stay all day. 3 hours is actually still a decent amount of time. My sister came to see me and brought my youngest daughter Saylor who is 2 years old. She has been a few times before. When I came out she didn’t know what to do, she came running to the Plexiglas to come say hi. I didn’t know where to go to see them in person yet so I said hi to her but had to go back and ask the officers which door to use to get through. Once they showed me how to get through I put my arms out to Saylor but she was worried about if she could come to me or not so she just stood there smiling from about 10′ away. I finally said to her “Come on baby” and she came running to me. My sister stayed back while i held Saylor for 5 min straight. We hugged tightly the entire time. I didn’t want to let go and was very emotional again. She was so sweet, she rubbed my head and back and kept her face buried in my neck. I finally put her down and asked her to show me what she was wearing, she had the cutest dress and a nice head band on that kept her little ears from being cold. We went outside in a area they have for us and played for an hour or more. The area was about 100′ x 50′. We counted leaves on the ground, we played a game where she would run to me, we played another game where she was on my shoulders. Seeing her smile was all I needed. My sister and I had some really good conversation, it was so nice to spend time with her. I think she understands me better than anyone else. I got to hold Saylor some more towards the end of the visit. I sat in silence with Saylor a few times just looking at her. I talk about living in the moment probably too much but I wanted to be able to remember this specific moment so I have a good memory of her for after they leave. I remember everything, her red dress, her eyes, her hands squeezing my face, her big smile. Its what I will be going to sleep to this week for sure. These visits are amazing and I wouldn’t trade them for anything, when they leave its very difficult. I try to have something lined up to do right after or I’m a mess. I played tennis after the visit but had to pull myself together first. LOL. Today has actually been a really rough day thinking about them. Usually a couple days go by and then things become better.